Presidential Poetry

to benjamin "kid gloves" harrison, a fraud

I’m sure your victory couldn’t be sweeter,

Benjamin Harrison, you goddamn cheater.

Harrison’s birthday was August 20.

liz+calvin coolidge=best friends forever!!!

calvin’s birthday was july 4

Best and most quiet of friends, silent Cal,
You let me ride your mechanical pony!
I am so lucky that you’re my pal!
Though you are stoic and often stony,
You’re still a staunch and stalwart crony!

I can talk about anything with you—
The Kellogg-Briand pact or laissez-faire—
Even your great acts of revenue!
Though your diplomatic skills be spare,
Your friendship skills are beyond compare!

Much of your wisdom remains untold,
But the words you utter are solid GOLD.

sorry.

I have been remiss in my poetic duties.

July 4, 1826

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson—lifelong frenemies—both die on the same day. That’s just how patriotic they were.

these two guys are not really thomas jefferson and john adams. I just wanted to be clear.

George H.W. Bush on a Lovely April Morning, 2008

To H. Ross Perot, for no particular reason

How did it feel, George, as you struggled fierce
Against that Shimano Triton reel so taut—
You strained as the boat rocked swift beneath you
And you towed in that line all overwrought?

For forty-five minutes, you worked mightily,
Reeling in the tarpon that snatched up your bait!
As Islamorada sits calm in the waves
Your arms—weak with age—tremble with the weight

Of a ten stone fish, all silvery blue.
You look happy there in the Florida sun—
You look like you’ve accomplished something great—
Like this is the best thing you’ve ever done.

I know.

no poem for JFK yet. shame on me.

A Letter to Truman, the Most Perserverant of All Presidents

Dearest Harry,

Bespectacled man, I admire thee greatly.
Persistent failure, you trudged on, agressive:
Snubbed over and over by the woman you loved,
You won her at last with your ardor oppressive.

A failure at farming, a failure at oil,
Blind in one eye, but tenacious as ever,
You memorized eye charts to join the army—
A first in your life: a successful endevour.

Without a middle name to make you stronger,
You had to deal with much. First came the bomb,
Then war and civil rights and the commies—
Who you tried to conquer with much aplomb.

My favorite haberdasher, I approve of you.
What’s your “s” for? I like to speculate:
Perhaps it’s for “super” or “sexy” or “stud”—
But the buck stops here, S.—you are SUPER GREAT!

Love,
Liz