Chester, Chester, walrus man,
You can be president, I know you can.
When Garfield kicked the bucket, you stepped in
And showed them you didn’t need to win
Some silly election.

You showed those Chinese immigrants who was in charge
And they feared you since were so large.
When you signed the Tariff Act of 1883
You never seemed so sexy to me—
Oooh, Chester, Chester , walrus man.