We had a good thing going, ol’ Tippecanoe.
But then you had to talk—and talk some more—
‘Twas your oratorical fireworks that killed you!

You had to keep talking since you were so hardcore,
But because of your cold, Tyler gained the nation,
Though he was racist and kind of a whore.

Granny Harrison, you have my admiration
Though you spent your presidency half-dead
And brought the Whig party to stagnation!

Oh Billy, had you risen up from your sickly bed
And kicked Tyler in the balls instead.