to Grover Cleveland’s illegitimate child

Grover, Grover, corpulent man,

Way cooler than presidents half your span.

Champion of gold and twice-elected,

You fathered children unexpected,*

Hanged many men by your own hand,

And had a jaw as rubber as a rubber band.

Grover, Grover, corpulent man—

Broader than an alluvial fan,

I admire your skills as county sheriff

And your efforts to lower the protective tariff

And solve the ills of labor unrest

Stirs the fires of passion within my breast.

*maybe.